Babies at Breastaurants.......

If you've ever had a child then you know that once breastfeeding moms get together there are endless stories of leaks, squirts, pain, poops, and even private showings of the boob!

I have breastfed everyone of my 8 children, some for longer than others but most of them for at least a year.  

One of my kiddos used to make the funniest sounds while nursing...he would hum, smack his lips and some of his sounds even came from the back end which were embarrassing at times, since I was never sure that if others heard him they would know it was him and not me!

One day I was at a gymnastics meet with my daughter and I had the baby with me...of course he did what all babies do and that was WANT TO EAT!!!  So I turned my back to the people sitting next to me...covered up and started to nurse.  There he started....huuummmmmm....smack, smack, smack....hummmmmm......pfffft (out the back end)....and some more smacks!  There was one of our team dads sitting right next to me, so I turned to him and said "sorry but I'm nursing and he's quite noisy".  The poor dad looked at me with a very uncomfortable smile, and said "no worries, that's what babies do!"  I said yes and smiled (but I was thinking, I don't think they all do it with this much gusto!)  This poor dad, I could tell was very uncomfortable with me next to him, so I decided to get up and move to a spot where no one was sitting.  I sat down at the other end of the bleachers and made myself comfortable and started to nurse again, I looked up and there was another dad looking to sit next to me. I said, "I am nursing, I moved over here so that no one would feel uncomfortable, if you're OK with a nursing mom, then sure go ahead and sit down."  So he did, and proceeded to tell me that his wife had nursed all of their kids and he was quite the expert at nursing babies.  So I proceeded to feed him and there went the noises again!  Hummmmm.....smack....smack....hummmmm.....Then all of a sudden he gave a grunting, loud push and pooped all over me, him, the blanket, and the bleachers!  All I could do was sit there and start to laugh hysterically.....this poor guy next to me looked over at me, I thought he was going to pass out!  He got up and told me "good luck with that one!" and walked off.

So I cleaned up as best I could.....thank goodness this was one time I had extra baby clothing with me....got him all sparkly and dressed, then he went right back to the breastaurant, of course he was now on empty!

Repeating Mommy......Repeating Mommy......

I find myself repeating myself often these days...not quite sure why...not quite sure why...wait did I say that already?  I can't seem to figure it out!  It's like I have 8 kids or something....

Wash your clothes.....WASH your clothes.....

Clean your room....CLEAN your room....

Take out the trash......TAKE out the trash.....


and the list goes on and on and on

So I've changed my strategy after all these years!  It's starting to work!  I now use the "Mommy asked, not she's pissed" strategy!  Otherwise known as the "Make them feel guilty" strategy...

This is how it works, I may be preaching to the choir at this point, but somehow I feel accomplished that I've finally figured this out!

Now all I do is ask ONCE!  "Can you please take out the trash?"....If nothing happens, like it usually does, then I start with the "under the breath guilt dissertation"
It goes something like this (bear in mind that if you're going to use this method, you really need to perfect the level of sound in your voice, up for the capital words, down for the lower case words, it works I promise):

"All I do around here is take out the garbage! I cook for them, I clean for them, I teach them, I NOW wash some of their clothes cause they just won't LISTEN to me...and NOW I have to take the TRASH out too!!!  You'd think that just ONE of them would see all that I do, AND that I carried them for 9 months in my body, gained all kinds of WEIGHT, had cravings for stuff that any normal human being would get sick on, then went through the PAIN to bring them into this world, got PEED on, pooped on, SPIT up on, and I, their lovely mommy now has to take out the trash!  TOO!!!!"

Usually at about three steps downstairs I have at least one of my kids running behind me to take it from my hand and bring it out for me!!!  And their excuse is always, "Gee mom why didn't you ask ME, you know I would have done it!"  (suck up!!!)

This has become a tried and true strategy....I suggest it to the world of Mommies....I have more, but try this one first, see the outcome and pass it on to those that are flying by the seat of their pants......they will thank you one day!!!