It's ANOTHER Poop Story!!!

So right after I had my 4th baby, my darling hubby decided to take the oldest three to a place called Discovery Zone, it was one of "those" places that you could let your kid run wild in balls and tunnels and slides while you sat and waited it out with other non-suspecting parents!

My oldest had been on a Raisin Bran kick, eating it several times a day and enjoying every minute of it, he was a picky eater and had a total of seven food items that he ate, so adding one more was a thrill to me, the food Nazi!  The others were fairly good eaters, but one was still a diaper wearer and the other was a constipated mess!

My darling hubby was watching the kids and enjoying the moment, and of course I was at home with a very, very newborn, and more than enjoying my moment!  Peace and quiet, not something a mom of 4 gets on many occasions.

All of a sudden, 30 minutes after my hubby had left, he was HOME!  NO!!!!  I thought, why me?  I was just getting a taste of peace, a sample of quiet and there they were HOME and for what reason, I asked?  WELL, he started to tell my why they were home, but they weren't going to be there for long.

I cried I laughed so hard at his answer, and I still cry with laughter when I tell the story.....so here it goes, for your eyes only:

Shortly after he got to Discovery Zone and twenty-one dollars later, all he could find was Charles sliding down a slide.  So he asks Charles where is Alex? (my daughter) and Charles says she is in the tube flapping her arms like a bird!  John knew what that meant!  A poop was on it's way!!!!  So he starts to call her from the bottom of the tube, and she says she can't come down.  So John asks her and Charles where is Greg?  Neither of them knew.  So he left Charles playing and Alex flapping to look for Greg!  Only to find Greg in the bathroom trying to clean himself up from a morning Raisin Bran poop!  ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!  My poor, dear hubby starts wetting paper towels and helping to clean the mess!  He finally gets THAT mess cleaned, and realizes he has to go rescue the flapping child in the tube....when he gets back out to the tubes and balls he sees Charles standing in the balls turning red and NOT moving.  OH dear God....why me?  He says!!  So he tells Charles to finish his business and he proceeds to try to rescue Alex, the flapping one, from the top of the tube!  He starts to climb up the tube to get the kid and he gets stuck!  Of course, why not?!?  So he straightens out his body and slides himself UP the tube to get the ever so lovely flapping child.  He manages to hook her in his arms and drags her down the tube and gets her over to the side in a sort of safety mode.  He then proceeds into the balls to rescue the red, straining child....and manages to hook that one too and gets him to safety.  Now he has all three smelly, dirty, pooped out kids in his arms, safe and disgusting.  He makes his way to the counter and tells the girls there, "I just paid $21 to get in here less than 15 minutes ago, they have all crapped on themselves, so I'm going home to clean them and I AM COMING BACK!!!  So please let me back in!"  She told him, "Of course!"  What else would she say?  I mean a dad with 3 kids that crapped all in less than 15 minutes.....I'm guessing that it may have been a first for her, since she was laughing so hard she could hardly answer him.

So there they all were, in the house, all crapped out!  John and I threw them all in the tube, cleaned them off, put on brand new clothes, put them back in the car, and off went my Prince Charming, back to the scene of the crime!

Now any mom would have said "the hell with that" Twenty-one dollars down the drain, there is no way on God's Green Earth I would have ever gone back....I would have cleaned them up, thrown them in the bed for a nap, and grabbed a bottle of wine!!!!  But not Prince Charming......he took them back and then stayed for another 3 hours....gave me a much needed rest, and made me think of him as the BEST this earth has to offer in a husband!!!

Doohickies and Wigglebops: What are you?

Doohickies and Wigglebops: What are you?: I was in Sam's one day a long time ago, I only had 5 kids with me, one attached to my chest and the rest following like little duckling...

What are you?

I was in Sam's one day a long time ago, I only had 5 kids with me, one attached to my chest and the rest following like little ducklings aside the basket.  As I was trying to fill my basket with giant boxes of diapers, and equally giant boxes of diaper wipes a very tall gentleman looked at me and said, "So what are you, a good Catholic or a stupid Protestant?"  At first I was taken aback, but then I realized he had probably been in my shoes years ago.  So I said, "the good Catholic brand!"  He said, "Yeah, me too!  I have 9 kids!  Only back then there were cloth diapers and we had to use facecloths to wipe the poo!"  I told him that I had been in that same position, not because only cloth diapers existed, but because I had forgotten to stock up on those wonderful inventions of throw aways.  He laughed and I continued to struggle with 2 very large boxes of diapers.

As we continued through the isles, which by the way I never took that many kids to Sam's again, actually haven't taken any kids to Sam's again, I had the one hanging from me in diapers, one walking with diapers, and one that was just potty trained, not sure if I have to go on with this but you can only imagine with that many uncontrolled butts what happened next!  The one hanging made a grunting noise, turned red and next thing you know all I could feel was wet, slimy warmth up against my body.  Hurrying along so as not to be completely clothed in poo, and trying to get out of there ASAP, I turned to find another one leaning against the shelves with this look of "total relief is on it's way" and it was, in his diaper.  At this point I was fit to be tied, or just ready for a giant glass of wine, the one that was just trained looked at me, and all I could say was "PLEASE HOLD IT!!!"  "I CAN'T!" were the words I didn't want to hear, but I heard them!  So we ran to the bathroom and got her there NOT just in time!  PEE was everywhere!  I wanted to cry, but I remained strong and did what any mother of 5 would have done!  I grabbed them all and after and hour and a half filling my basket with lots of needed items, we left that basket right there in the middle of the bathroom door and we left.  

That day was a learning curve for me, I came to realize I just was NOT one of THOSE moms that could do it all and remain calm through it.....I got them all in the car, laughed me fool head off and headed straight home!  Threw them all in the bathtub, washed, dried, clothed, diapered, powered, brushed hair, (ok not really), but tried and put them all in their rooms to play and I did then what any mother should do.....I opened a bottle of wine, drank a glass and waited for dad to come home so I could run out and at least buy a small pack of diapers and order pizza!!!!

My days at Sam's are now in peace, by myself, no pee, no poo, no more diapers, no more wipes!  Several kids have been added to the flock since then and we've graduated to large packs of underwear, large packs of socks, lots of milk, huge packs of meat, but the one thing that remains the same is the WINE!!!!  I still maintain a mom needs her glass of wine!