Have you ever had "one of THOSE kids?" It's that kid that does it all right, goes to bed on time, does homework when told, asks for a "healthy snack", says "yes ma'am and yes sir"....it's that kid that you don't have to constantly tell NO too, or "stop that" or "don't look at her"!!!
Well having 8 kids I was actually blessed with one of those early on in my mom career. I struggled raising the first one, he was my guinea pig, the one I had to figure everything out on, the one that was smarter than me. He was fast at everything, walking, talking, climbing out of the bed! He would bite me on the back of the leg after he would sneak out of the bed during nap time, just to let me know he was there. I started to rethink this mommy thing, I just wasn't sure if I was cut out for it being an only child myself, I thought that maybe, just maybe I could not do this thing called "being a MOM!"
Somehow I got through his baby-ness and made it to the next one, another try at it...just to see if I could outsmart one of these little beings. She was pretty easy, starting out life with casts on both legs, she couldn't get very far. She dragged her little body all over the floor with her arms and was quite happy doing so! She was a happy kid with a brother that did everything for her. He talked for her, he got whatever she wanted, all she had to do was to point it out and he ran for her every want! She was pretty easy, but still tested my parenting skills on more than a few occasions. She was an avid hair puller, and an incredible scratch-er! She could gouge out skin from her brother's arm faster than he could flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet! She was good, yet savvy.
THEN there was baby number 3! AH yes I had finally figured this out! This...was....the....kid! He was sweet, hardly cried, slept almost all night every night, he actually asked to go to bed as he got older! I was getting good at this! I was mastering this thing called "Mommy".....I just knew if I kept trying I would finally figure it all out! Yep, I was so good at it by now, I could have written a book on how to fix these little humans..how to make them perfect! I had mastered "Parenting Skills"!!! I could finally pat myself on the back!....I was so cocky about it all, I was sure that if just one parent would come to me for the answers I could give them all to that person, I could just tell them how to do this! It was easy now, I did a run through, I had two test kids and now my time was ripe, I WAS THE PARENT OF THE YEAR!!! I had finally produced the "PERFECT KID".... I was good at this!!! TA-DA!!! Mommy take a bow!!!!!
I got so cocky I tried my hand at another one, yes another boy, I was sure this was going to work! Remember!! I told myself! You've figured this out! You've got it all down pat now! You...are...THE...mom!!!! You are Jane!!! You and Tarzan have got all the answers now....you made the perfect kid last time, this time will be a piece of cake!!! THEN I took "it" home!!!! ACK!!! it acted like the first one....it cried, it screamed, it climbed out of the crib during nap time....I was sure "it" wasn't mine!!! I must have left mine at the hospital....I needed to go back and get the right one....this one must have been someone else's first one! So I asked my pediatrician if he was sure this was the right one? I just had to know! He said "YES" he's yours....HE'S normal!!! HE'S WHAT??!!?? he can't be...this isn't right....remember I had figured out how to fix these little ones!! No the doctor said...he is a normal kid, he picks his nose, he poops, he wakes up at night, he cries....OMG!!! Could it be? Could it really be that kids are different? You can't just "fix" them with perfect parenting skills? OR had I just lost my touch? Maybe I got blindsided with that number 3 kid...maybe I let my guard down! So onward we went...we had another one! This time I was NOT to let myself get too comfortable, I had to press on with THE perfect parenting, I was sure this one was going to be like "3", this one had too! This was easy (remember?) .....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it happened again, number 5...cried, woke up all hours of the night, wouldn't eat the strained peas....never asked to go to bed! I figured it all out now! The moral of my story is one in every eight kids are uber-obedient, uber-compliant, uber-dutiful....so enjoy them while you have them, squeeze their toes, smell their feet, blow farts on their bellies, love them unconditionally and you'll have a wonderful time in this life!!!
