What are you?

I was in Sam's one day a long time ago, I only had 5 kids with me, one attached to my chest and the rest following like little ducklings aside the basket.  As I was trying to fill my basket with giant boxes of diapers, and equally giant boxes of diaper wipes a very tall gentleman looked at me and said, "So what are you, a good Catholic or a stupid Protestant?"  At first I was taken aback, but then I realized he had probably been in my shoes years ago.  So I said, "the good Catholic brand!"  He said, "Yeah, me too!  I have 9 kids!  Only back then there were cloth diapers and we had to use facecloths to wipe the poo!"  I told him that I had been in that same position, not because only cloth diapers existed, but because I had forgotten to stock up on those wonderful inventions of throw aways.  He laughed and I continued to struggle with 2 very large boxes of diapers.

As we continued through the isles, which by the way I never took that many kids to Sam's again, actually haven't taken any kids to Sam's again, I had the one hanging from me in diapers, one walking with diapers, and one that was just potty trained, not sure if I have to go on with this but you can only imagine with that many uncontrolled butts what happened next!  The one hanging made a grunting noise, turned red and next thing you know all I could feel was wet, slimy warmth up against my body.  Hurrying along so as not to be completely clothed in poo, and trying to get out of there ASAP, I turned to find another one leaning against the shelves with this look of "total relief is on it's way" and it was, in his diaper.  At this point I was fit to be tied, or just ready for a giant glass of wine, the one that was just trained looked at me, and all I could say was "PLEASE HOLD IT!!!"  "I CAN'T!" were the words I didn't want to hear, but I heard them!  So we ran to the bathroom and got her there NOT just in time!  PEE was everywhere!  I wanted to cry, but I remained strong and did what any mother of 5 would have done!  I grabbed them all and after and hour and a half filling my basket with lots of needed items, we left that basket right there in the middle of the bathroom door and we left.  

That day was a learning curve for me, I came to realize I just was NOT one of THOSE moms that could do it all and remain calm through it.....I got them all in the car, laughed me fool head off and headed straight home!  Threw them all in the bathtub, washed, dried, clothed, diapered, powered, brushed hair, (ok not really), but tried and put them all in their rooms to play and I did then what any mother should do.....I opened a bottle of wine, drank a glass and waited for dad to come home so I could run out and at least buy a small pack of diapers and order pizza!!!!

My days at Sam's are now in peace, by myself, no pee, no poo, no more diapers, no more wipes!  Several kids have been added to the flock since then and we've graduated to large packs of underwear, large packs of socks, lots of milk, huge packs of meat, but the one thing that remains the same is the WINE!!!!  I still maintain a mom needs her glass of wine!