WHAT happened to my Hair??!!??

I was in my office doing some billing when Hunter ran downstairs with his hands covering the top of his head.  He was crying hysterically yelling, "what happened to my hair, what happened to my hair?"  I was so afraid to pull his hands from his head for fear of seeing a gapping hole, blood, or anything totally disgusting.  He had his hands clamped so hard to his head, I was sure there was something terribly wrong with him.  So I finally unclamped the two hands and carefully un-squinched my eyes and took a peek at the top of his head.  To my great surprise, he had a long bald line from the back of his neck to his farhead, I started to laugh so hard I couldn't seem to stop myself.  So I asked him if he had cut his hair?  He said, "NO!!!  I just fell out in the bathroom upstairs!"  I told him that hair just does not fall out like that, he must have cut it, again he told me that it had just fallen out!  Then with a bit more examination, I realized that he had cut several bald lines into his head, it became more and more hysterical as time went on.

So I left him downstairs and I went up to see what he had gotten hold of and how he had cut his hair.  I found a pair of electric clippers in one of the bathrooms with lots of hair in the trash can...exactly what I had expected.  I went back downstairs and started to do the "mommy fix"!  I tried to do an old mans comb over, that didn't stay,  so I got out the trusty mousse and glued it into place!  It looked a bit suspicious, but it kind of looked ok to me.  Then my oldest son came over and I told him the story.  He looked at his brother, then at me, and asked me "MOM really????"  "just cut it all off!"  I really didn't want to, but Greg just grabbed him and the clippers and hung his head over the garbage can and shaved him clean!  Hunter ran to the mirror in the hall and started to cry, he yelled out "Oh my!  It doesn't even look like me!"  And he was right!  It didn't!  but oh well, better not to look like "you" rather than look like you have mange!

So that afternoon I took Hunter with me to the grocery, not to punish him, but because he wanted to come with me!  As we were walking through the store I noticed people looking at Hunter with sort of a weird look on their faces!  Finally I went to the check out line, and the lady at the counter was a good friend of mine...she asked, "well well Hunter, what on earth do we have here?"  I told her the story of the "hair JUST falling out" and she laughed and asked him if he would ever do that again!  He said , NO, he hated the way he looked without hair!  Then I realized why so many people were looking at him in the store, because as I told that story to the check out lady, one gentleman leaned over to me and said, "OH thank God, I thought he was a little cancer patient!  I felt so bad for him and you!"  I said no thank God that's not it at all!  The man then told Hunts a story about how one day when he was little he was blowing bubble gum with 2 or 3 large pieces of gum, the bubble had gotten away from him and popped all over his face and his hair, his mom was so mad at him that she didn't even try to get it out, she just shaved all of his hair off, but that it grew back perfectly fine and all was ok after that!  Hunter looked at him and in his infinite wisdom tells the man, "OH NO!  I sure hope mine doesn't grow back all curly and grey like yours did!"  (OH geeze!  you just can't take freshly shaven little boys anywhere)

Gynecological Disaster!!!

Since I have a lot, and I mean A LOT, of experience at the gynecologists office, you can imagine that I may have a story or two about being there.

There are two types of visits, first, the classic check up visits to the gynecologist, and then the second,  the ever lasting pregnancy visits.  Most of you know that when you go in the office their first request is for a urine sample, then of course "undress from the waist down" so that they can measure and listen to the heartbeat and sometimes maybe an exam is in the works.

So this particular time I was there for an exam and a typical pregnancy checkup!....I needed to offer up my urine....and the ever popular waste down disrobing was in order.  In this office each exam room was equipped with a toilet behind a drape, so that you could easily do your duty before the exam, I was never very comfortable with this set up, but so be it, that's how they worked and I had to accept their idea of comfort.  So as I was doing the sacrificial urine sample, I decided to do the disrobing too, BEFORE I flushed the toilet!  What a big giant mistake!  I took off my maternity pants and hung them on the hook behind the toilet grabbed the sheet that was on the ledge beside the toilet and proceeded to flush.  OMG!!!  to my great surprise instead of "going down" the water began to rise, and not only rise, but rise at GREAT speed!  More like  a water spout than a typical toilet overflow!  I stood there in amazement!  And of course, the thoughts of "WHY ME?"  and  "WHY NOW?".....then I realized "WHY NOT ME? AND WHY NOT NOW?"

So I ran and jumped onto the exam table, so as not to get toilet water all over me, and thought "OK how am I going to get out of this one?"  In the meantime, I saved the pee sample!

I leaned over, because thankfully the door was very close to the exam table, and began beating on the closed door.  All of this time, I am laughing my naked ass off!  I heard someone say, "have patience, the doctor will be in in a minute!"  GREAT!!!  That's not what I want!!!  So I yelled, "please come in here NOW!, your toilet hath runneth over!"  The nurse yells back "WHAT?"......geesh, I can't believe it at this point!  yelling back and forth from a room with an attack toilet, to a nurse that just thinks I'm being "one of those impatient pregnant women"....so again, I yelled, "PLEASE come in here, your toilet is overflowing!"  So finally she walks through the door and to my great surprise SCREAMS!.......REALLY???....a screaming nurse!  I just sat there half robed, laughing, and since I was enormously pregnant, had to pee again!

I looked at her and asked her to please help to "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"  So she started to throw any spare towels and paper towels on the floor to create some sort of bridge for me to walk on to get out of that room and into another!  Surprise, surprise!  All of the rooms were taken at this point and I was still half robed with a plastic bottle of PEE in my hand!

She asked if it would be a bother to wait in the bathroom until she could wade through the toilet water and get my clothes.....UM???  not a bother at all,  standing in the middle of the hallway half naked with pee in my hand was sort of a bother!  So there I stood in the bathroom waiting for my clothes so that I could head to another room to do the same damn thing all over again.  Hopefully this time without an attack toilet!

I know it seems unbelievable that this sort of thing could happen to little old me, but it did, and yes if nothing else the moral of this story is, NEVER TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF BEFORE YOU FLUSH THE TOILET!!!!